You say you have to explore this part of yourself and that you believe you’d be happier single than in a sexual relationship—that’s useful information. As they blow in the wind, they confer blessings and peace. Cultural appropriation leads to a narrow look at other cultures and often exploitation of those cultures. I don’t begrudge my stepsisters their relationship with her. The fashion world especially seems to have a knack for causing commotion when it comes to badly borrowing from different cultures. I see prayer flags all the time. Obviously it’s a painful situation, but I don’t see any other options besides either letting your ex have the dog (which it doesn’t seem like you want to do), sharing custody permanently (which neither of you seems interested in), or seeking custody yourself. Participation and appropriation are totally different things. Emerson, Jameson are OK, but James, etc, would be loads better. He has chronic, severe depression and hasn’t been participating in his treatment, he has problems with drugs (which he refuses to acknowledge), and after losing his last job he’s been so picky that his job search has been totally ineffective. Nike caused so much anger when they ‘borrowed’ some Samoan tattoo designs for their Pro Tattoo Tech collection that it actually led to a petitioncalling on the company to stop sales. Really, mindfulness is a crucial part of living an ethical and good life. You can cancel anytime. The primary issue here is not cultural appropriation, it’s racism.Imagine, if you will, a set of possible NFL team names and slogans: The Washington Darkies Implicit in your statement “I don’t know if our child will look more Black or more white to people” is the idea that if she looks “more white” than otherwise, you should de facto treat her as a white child, and vice versa. You can think of it very simply this way: “Suffering exists; it has a cause; it has an end; and it has a cause to bring about its end.”. We’ve been together 25 years, if that matters, but we’re not married and don’t have children. I see prayer flags all the time. That’s not to say that her life won’t ever be informed by her appearance, but regardless she’s going to have a Black parent, a Black extended family, a Black history, and a relationship to Blackness that’s all her own, one that’s not dependent on the judgment of white strangers. You should not work to reassure them or satisfy their idle curiosity, but cut them off and draw them up short. He is right and I know he is right, but I can’t accept this on a gut level. I suppose my point is that I don’t want to be an asshole, and I feel like it may be problematic for me to have these displayed, but I also appreciate the symbolism behind them. It may very well be that you and your daughter encounter “weird looks” from other white people when you two are out together, but the best response to that is not to develop a policy of explaining her ethnicity to such people. It tells us that the items and beliefs we hold dear and sacred are meaningless nick knacks or empty sayings you can make into cat memes. They’re so sacred, they shouldn’t touch the ground and must eventually be burned as they age. Re: My neighbor thinks he’s family: I think the letter writer might need to be a bit firmer if the neighbor has a habit of sitting down with them for hours. Buddhism is a religion practiced by nearly 500 million people. My wife and I are looking for girl names that sound good with the surname Bodhi. There was a moment in the ‘90s when they were all over the movies and big wigs used them as jokes to establish a sense of calm. Folks like the Buddhist Peace Fellowship see it as a foundational “cultivate the conditions for peace, social justice, and environmental sustainability within our selves, our communities, and the world.”. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Yes, but more importantly, who cares? My Family Won’t Impose Boundaries on Our Creepy Neighbor. However, when mindfulness and presence are used exclusively as ways to physically improve an individual person’s life, we’re missing the point of Buddhism. Take him at his word when he says he’s got a handle on his insecurities, and schedule a tête-à-tête with one of your friends right away. Trans & GNC (Questions may be edited.). She was good and kind and taken from us too soon. • Join the live chat Mondays at noon. A: Invite your friends to hang out with you—just you, by yourself, and make it clear in your invitation that you’re looking for one-on-one time, or at least time without your partner. Because racial justice is an integral part of a Buddhism. If you’ve ever met a monastic, then you know they’re some of the most lighthearted and cheerful people around. For the price of a single lunch out, you can help save us. A: I don’t think you’re imagining things. Danny M. Lavery: Thanks, everyone! Discuss this column on our Facebook page! It reached the point where I started inviting him to everything to avoid his complaining about not being invited. and avoid shutting down. In 1993, the international Lakota community declared war against “shamans and plastics” or “Exploiters of Lakota Spirituality.”, They proclaimed, “For too long, we have suffered the unspeakable indignity of having our most precious Lakota ceremonies and spiritual practices desecrated, mocked, and abused by non-Indian ‘wannabes,’ hucksters, cultists, commercial profiteers, and self-styled ‘New Age shamans.’”. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. The headless statue is but one of many instances that depict how Buddhism has become decorative and largely meaningless for many. I am a middle-aged family man with four kids, and we love sitting out and looking at the mountains with our new fire pit. If you were, that’s fine. The fashion industry is a main offender when it comes to cultural appropriation. However, I have since come to realize this understanding of cultural appropriation is flawed. But resistance to uprooting of spiritual work has been particularly acute and strong in Native communities. But the extremely low wages make it nearly impossible to afford prison services and basic necessities.”, Which means that while eating better and being more physically healthy are admirable aims for the general wellness of people everywhere, they’re not necessarily Buddhist – because they emphasize. Make your own chance to do things without him! What do I do? Just walking around a health foods store, I can find tons of things that will supposedly bring me “zen.”. ShareTweet29K Shares I feel like I would be happier single and living with my dogs instead of worrying my partner will try to initiate sex. Sutras – or mantras from three pillars of the great Buddhist Bodhisattvas, conveying things like peace, wisdom, and strength – are written on them. However, beyond their aesthetic appeal, Tibetan prayer flags are actually sacrosanct objects whose purpose isn’t necessarily to liven up a space. Your child is going to be Black and biracial regardless of her appearance, and I don’t want you to think you have to resolve or reassure the curiosity of other white people if she doesn’t always read as such to them. Before it ever opened to customers, a St. Paul restaurant specializing in Mexican street food has changed its name after activists protested, citing cultural appropriation. At its most basic, Buddhism asks you to simply connect to human suffering and bring about its end. Do you remember when “zen gardens” were cool? However, it’s also been taken up as something that’s “cool,” marketable, and consumable. At the same time, I don’t want to name my daughter based on what other people will think of us and want to be able to honor my husband’s mom. You pray before bed. Found this article helpful? I want to tell my partner, but I know his reaction will be dubious at best. But I can’t stand the idea of this child being Amelia—it makes me want to scream and cry. Read what Nicole Cliffe had to say. cheerful people around. And well, that isn’t really Buddhist at all. So he never has plans. Maybe he will, and maybe he won’t, but it’s impossible to predict that from here. The word “zen” is plastered on candles, incense, and even lotion to that same effect. When cultural appropriation happens, marginalized groups are offended by the way their culture is being represented in society. Scream, cry, write in your journal, vent to a trusted friend, talk to a therapist. Q. Baby names and cultural appropriation: My husband is Black, and I’m white. I’m definitely projecting here, but I’m curious what advice you’d give if that happens. Antidepressants Have Made My Wife Too Cheery. I don’t want to hurt them. He doesn’t do any work to maintain friendships with his own friends. But we now depend 100% on reader support to keep going. And before you think incarcerated men are being given a shot at rehabilitation through this cheese making program, ThinkProgress and Vice report, “[M]any of the inmates participating in CCI’s prison labor programs earn 74 cents a day for hours of labor. Years later, I can’t get time with friends without him. Assume that he will be sad and hurt. Help us keep publishing more like it by becoming a member! Cultural Appropriation news and opinion. But given the situation you’ve described, I think saying something like “I’m not sure if you were joking the other day when you talked about being friends with benefits. I’m thinking of a family member to whom I’ll say, “OK, I’ve got to hang up!” and she’ll go, “OK! If you don’t want to try to redefine your relationship together, if you instead simply want to live happily with your dogs, then you should tell your partner you want to break up. Cultural appropriation is the adoption of an element or elements of one culture or identity by members of another culture or identity. However, when mindfulness and presence are used exclusively as ways to physically improve an individual person’s life, we’re missing the point of Buddhism. I know this because the perpetrators in this case are Beyoncé, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga. Talking about it isn’t that much riskier—it just means you’re acknowledging what’s already there. Recognizing cultural appropriation is just the beginning of that process. And sometimes I wonder, Why not? Lots of best friends are affectionate, but if yours has suddenly started holding your hand on long walks together, cuddling on the couch, and suggesting the possibility of sex and romance, I think you can safely say the signs are there. Monastics were so connected to the human suffering of that pain that they set their bodies on fire. I have an older neighbor who is living, alone, five states away from his wife (odd, I know). Might be worth mentioning that our baby girl will have a 50/50 chance of being a redhead. I am a cis woman divorcing my husband of four years (I initiated it). The only issue in our divorce is our dog, who we adopted together and is equally bonded to us both. Buddha figurine and candles resting on a ledge. A: I’m not too worried about this neighbor just yet because it doesn’t seem like the letter writer has offered any cues yet, just engaged in friendly, long-winded conversations while secretly hoping he wanders away. But Buddhism is more about addressing the suffering of the incarcerated men that makes it possible for the place where they sell these chips to turn a profit. But whether you tell him you no longer want to be in this relationship or you just don’t want to have sex anymore, don’t let the fear of his reaction hold you back. His only social life is through friends he met through me and only when I take the initiative to make plans, and friends always invite my partner when they have parties because it’s just assumed we will come together. In this case, instead of zen, it’s enlightenment. After all, if they knew more about Buddhism, they might be aware of the disturbing history of decapitated Buddha statues – which includes invaders and colonizers trying to destroy people’s connection to their faith. Zen Buddhism advocates for  a level of spirituality that can’t be accessed through material items or simple words. I’m certain folks who are avowed Buddhists or believe in Buddhist tenets have good intentions or are entirely unaware of the implications of their actions. And you'll never see this message again. I imagine you’ll have a stronger legal case for maintaining sole custody if the dog’s been with you for the duration of your ex’s absence from the state, too. It assumes cultures are 100 percent original. We're an independent feminist media site led entirely by people of color. But I notice you don’t say anything about your feelings for him or about the 25 years you’ve spent together in your letter. A: I think you should listen to your husband and to the part of yourself that doesn’t want to choose your child’s name based on what strangers might think of her someday. Q. I think it could help, if the letter writer is willing, to set up a time once every month/week/fortnight/whatever to invite your neighbor over, and in setting up this arrangement make clear that that is the only time you are entertaining. I’ll talk to you soon! Countless socially engaged Buddhist teachers believe “Buddhist teachings are grounded in a clear recognition of suffering, an ethical commitment to non-harming and an understanding of interdependence: We can’t separate our personal healing and transformation from that of our larger society.”. Something can be painful and true and reasonable all at the same time. There is worldwide reverence for the tradition and its beliefs, which include at the very most basic level: the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. The signs are clear, right? What makes it possible for things like Lesser Evil chips to exist is an understanding of Buddhism that’s limited to physical goals like eliminating stress in your workday or pesticides in the food you eat. Buddhism seeks to address systems of oppression because they cause human suffering. Our country was devastated at unprecedented levels by chemical and physical warfare. At least until you can fully appreciate their significance and/or have a Buddhist practice. The company was accused of being in violation of the UN Declaration on th… Can we still name her this? But this is the exact kind of suffering Buddhism seeks to stop. So, then, the “if I don’t get to wear my hair in cornrows, then you don’t get to have bangs” argument doesn’t really make sense. You can manage your newsletter subscriptions at any time. If everyone reading this only gave $12, we could raise enough money for the entire year in just one day. The cultural appropriation police answer the yoga and banh mi objections with a familiar counter-argument: it’s about power. Racial Justice Don’t try to stifle your feelings—just make sure that you’re able to process them in appropriate contexts so that you can offer friendliness or at the very least non-intrusive neutrality to your stepsister. So yes, if he doesn’t say good night when the letter writer says, “Well, we’ve got to get back to stargazing,” then he’ll still have to follow it up with something firmer. But the chips – which tout mindfulness and good choices – were sold at the same store that’s been criticized in the last year for selling artisanal cheese made by prisoners. This is perhaps the very meaning of racial entitlement. The author writes that she owns and loves her prayer flags and knows what they stand for: “However, I’m also not a Buddhist and I do not practice meditation or other Buddhist practices; I have only a cursory understanding of Buddhism. Feminism 101 Failing to provide either with a basic level of reverence is deeply disrespectful and honestly, downright racist. Thank you! Cultural appropriation is not just about who does or doesn’t get to participate in, wear, or try other cultures. Learn more. Our neighborhood doesn’t have fences for the most part (it helps the deer roam freely without clipping a heel on the chain-link), and we all live on a half-acre lot or more. Buddhism is often used in this way to connote harmless – and indeed, ethical – fun. Lost your password? raking a presumable zen garden in the lobby of a giant Hollywood film agency where big tobacco executives are colluding to sell cigarettes to the masses. Except instead of Jesus on the cross, it was a statue of the Buddha. I mean, who would buy “Our Lord and Savior Popcorn” at Trader Joe’s? Probably the best way of understanding cultural appropriation is to look at some examples that have made the news. Crossing the line into cultural appropriation. Q. I took the driving force of her question to be “How can I understand, support, and nurture my future Black and biracial child, and what are the ways in which my own assumptions and beliefs about whiteness might impede such support?” That’s a meaningful question, and one worth considering seriously and extensively, and I wish her and her family all the best. A: I understand why you fear your partner’s dubious (“at best”) reaction, but consider the alternatives: If you don’t say anything and simply stop having sex with him without explanation, your relationship will suffer, and if you don’t say anything and try to fake enjoyment during something that now feels like a “painful chore,” your relationship will suffer (not to mention your own individual suffering). Zen Buddhism is a sect of Mahayana Buddhism that emphasizes meditation and personal insight with a focus on benefitting others, impermanence, not-self, dis-ease. If you have a daughter someday and you would like to name her Amelia, you can—and you don’t have to come up with nicknames or approximations either. Slate Plus members get extra questions, Prudie Uncensored with Nicole Cliffe, and full-length podcast episodes every week. Send me updates about Slate special offers. They were marketed as a way to be “mindful of what you put in your body.” And while yes, it’s great to prioritize eating real food with recognizable ingredients, there’s more to Buddhism than that. She feels like she understands cultural appropriation – hell, she even uses that exact phrase to describe what she’s doing – yet she remains hesitant to take them down because she likes them. He tells me I need to not freak out and just accept this. Especially in Berkeley, prayer flags are used like confetti, lanterns, or twinkle lights to decorate barbecues and dinner parties. Cultural Appropriation Alert: Alec Baldwin's Wife Torched for Faking Spanish Accent and Heritage. When groups of immigrants from these countries came to America or Britain, they assimilated, and changed the spellings of their traditional names. Obviously the fact that you live together makes things a little more complicated. I am in a committed relationship, but we are miles away from marriage and kids—but it is my name. Regardless of your beliefs, I think we can all agree this implicitly Christian country wouldn’t tolerate any of the examples I listed in this article. Because racial justice is an integral part of a Buddhism. My family and I are from a place where Buddhist monks self-immolated in political protest of war. Re: Baby names and cultural appropriation: Why is a white lady asking a white guy if this is OK? Because cultural appropriation of Buddhism creates suffering for marginalized communities. “Sorry, you can’t join us” is still polite. They wish to preserve their cultural traditions. All contents © 2021 The Slate Group LLC. My lawyer hasn’t been much help in this regard because in our state, dogs are considered property. Baby names and cultural appropriation: My husband is Black, and I’m white. Am I being an asshole? Q. Whole Foods has been slammed hard by anti-incarceration activists for selling Haystack Mountain Goat Dairy products – a company partnered with Colorado Correctional Industries (CCI). For many communities of color, the cultural appropriation of our spirituality means watching our long-held and sacred traditions be disrespected, corrupted and sold at chain stores. “The name is the name and they weren’t going to change it,” said a spokesperson for Americans for Indian Opportunity, which … She’s also a collective member of Third Woman Press: Queer and Feminist of Color publishing. The website warps Taoist teachings to sell its product by using faux quotes like “If you think that enlightenment is separate from the drinking of beer, you have not yet understood”. So if you have Buddhist trinkets that hold little to no value for you? Every year, we reach over 6.5 million people around the world with our intersectional feminist articles and webinars. Ditch ’em. Help! She died when he was a teenager, but from everything I’ve heard about her, she was an admirable woman who I would have loved to know. Antifa representatives report being "hurt deeply" by this insensitive display. Because racial justice is an integral part of a Buddhism. However, because my friends always invite us as a couple and he never turns down an invite because he never has anything else going on, I never get the chance to see friends or do anything without him. To that end, please do not plan on explaining “she’s mixed-race” to white people who may (or may not) look curious when they meet her or hear her name or anything else. Photo illustration by Slate. The Cambridge Dictionary defines cultural appropriation as “the act of taking or using things from a culture that is not your own, especially without showing that you understand or respect this culture.”. You believe in God and Jesus, and you go to church every Sunday. You will receive a link to create a new password via email. I don’t want people to see two “white people” together and assume that I just co-opted a name most often used by Black women because I thought it was cool or trendy. Their biological mother was a waste of space, but my stepsister is pregnant with a girl and plans to name her Amelia. The Kardashian family has a long history of appropriation, and continue to build their empire with little regard for the communities from which … New Age spirituality is often a potpourri of different belief systems sapped of historical and cultural significance with widespread beliefs ranging from occult teachings to UFO enthusiasts. She can be found in any of these capacities at www.kimthientran.com. For me, and many other Asian Americans, this is Buddhism. It’s an incredibly important part of Buddhism to be present and intentional with your thoughts and actions. Would we ever see “Holy Trinity Relaxation Candles?” Probably not – because we respect white American religious traditions more than Asian ones. You also both seem to be clear that shared custody is a temporary arrangement and that you’re both seeking permanent custody, so it’s not as if you’re doing something underhanded and selfish while your ex just wants to share. Really, mindfulness is a crucial part of living an ethical and good life. We must engage with Buddhism the same way we would a Judeo Christian religion like Catholicism or Christianity. I’m on board with this idea; I think it’s a fitting tribute. Buddhism is often used in this way to connote harmless – and indeed, ethical – fun. Do you have any insight? ... "It makes me sick," said one elementary school teacher as she read the Times column… A: I can’t agree that two white people having a conversation about race and racism is inherently “problematic,” or that the letter writer should take my advice at the exclusion of her partner or any of the other Black people in her life. All they know is that you always bring him to parties and get-togethers, so they have every reason to assume that’s how you prefer to socialize. Cultural appropriation is when a tradition, such as clothing or a hairstyle, is taken from a culture and used in a different way. And if the alternative is building a beautiful backyard fire pit that you never use because you’re too afraid to be firm with your neighbor—well, the choice is clear. For instance, Whole Foods used to sell these Lesser Evil chips. Cultural appropriation is usually a sensitive topic for many people, especially within certain Internet circles. Elotes Woodfire Grill was slated to open Thursday on West 7th Street, inside the keystone Keg & … If Everyday Feminism has been useful to you, please take one minute to keep us alive. Her academic and activist commitments are to laborers, refugee and queer communities. See you all next week. Oftentimes, the mere mention of the term triggers instant outrage and vitriol from both ends of the argument — some claiming its legitimacy and … My toddler likes to make himself throw up for fun: This is a bit gross so read at your own risk. Be that as it may, perhaps we can still ask if “white Buddhism” is cultural appropriation. Not exactly the most peaceful symbol to choose when you’re trying to create a tranquil atmosphere.. ← 4 Reasons Why We’ve Got to Stop Using ‘Ethnic’ to Describe People of Color, The Feminist Guide to Flirting Respectfully with Latina Women →, If You’ve Never Lived In Poverty, Stop Telling Poor People What They Should Do, You’re Not ‘Oversensitive’ – Here’s How People Use Gaslighting to Dismiss Sexism, Still Think Trans Women Have Male Privilege? He seems convinced that he’s going to get a job and move back soon without any trouble. Putting an end to cultural appropriation in fashion therefore requires a thorough examination of how IP law can be improved to better respond to the needs of the holders of traditional cultural expressions in terms of how their culture is represented by fashion designers. 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